Divorce Support | Lessons Learned As A Business Consultant!

Lessons Learned As A Business Consultant

In the business consulting world clients hire you to help them solve a problem or make a change that they have not been able to do themselves. This may be due to limitations in resources, time, knowledge, or culture. As ‘The Consultant’ the employees are NOT happy to see you. They feel threatened, scared of losing their job, & possibly worried they are in trouble. To say they don’t trust you would be an understatement!

For projects to be successful and for the employees to “buy in” to you being there, you first have to establish an authentic rapport with the client and team members you’ll be working with. I have witnessed many consulting projects fail because trusted relationships were not built early on.  Once you have established a trusting relationship with these employees, you can embark on improving the company dynamic. Allow me to share another lesson learned… The underlying problem with most companies is the organization or unit was not aligned on WHAT ‘the problem or issue’ really was!

This same perspective is relevant for why spousal relationships break down, marriages end, the divorce process becomes confrontational, and the co-parenting relationship becomes higher conflict… The parties are not aligning on addressing the same issue or problem.

Successful problem resolution requires parties to be able to walk through the following steps:

1. Name the problem
2. Give everyone an opportunity to contribute options & then have time to reflect on these options
3. Pick a solution
4. Create, review, and agree to the details of the solution
5. Implement the solution
6. Re-evaluate the solution and fine-tune things

When a personal relationship breaks down it is more difficult to navigate because each side brings their own emotions, hurt, anger, and all the other feelings to the table. Just like in the example above, any negotiation or problem solving (no matter how great it is) will not ‘stick’ if the parties cannot create trust and rapport. In personal relationships, that means putting these emotions aside and thinking about their future.

Once both parties are able to focus on the future, then making sure both parties are solving the same problem or issue is the next step – this is where it gets really tricky especially when the divorcing couple has children!  

If you are divorcing and have children (or even a post-divorce parent with a shared parenting agreement) here’s a quick test to see if your couple dynamic has the ability to negotiate:

a)  Take a small issue and work to define this issue in the same manner

Example: A young 7th grader boy is having his grades drop….Mom may want to solve the ‘dropping grades’ and look to solve how to make the grades better (she’s thinking the answer is to get a ‘tutor’ )& Dad may want to solve what’s going on his son’s head or is he bored at school (he’s thinking the answer is to spend more time with his son to figure out what’s going on with son)

Clearly in this little example Mom & Dad are defining a different issue (and both may be issues to address).  Focusing on one issue at a time will help you communicate and negotiate

b)  Once you have defined the issue, each of you should develop options and reflect on those options without interference or comment from the other party (No idea is a bad idea)

c)  Then with the options, start brainstorming solutions that you both are able to agree on

d)  Finally, pick the one you both want to focus on & implement it, understanding that the solution may need to be fine tuned as you go along

If you and the other parent are able to walk through this little exercise and find compromise then you have just given your children the best gift ever – the ability to learn how to work together in the Business Partnership called: The Kids!

If this doesn’t work for your couple dynamic (honestly it really doesn’t matter why), then it’s clear you will need additional support to help you, the other parent, and your kids in the co-parenting relationship. If you are currently divorcing, speak with your attorney and/or mediator about putting more clear and specific details into the parenting plan so that there is no misunderstanding about how you will co-parent. Think of it like a business contract, all the details are there so that the two of you have less to discuss or negotiate on.  If you are not quite sure how to make this request, I’m happy to speak with you to support you with this request.

If you have completed the divorce process and the shared parenting communication is ‘less than perfect’, reach out for a complimentary strategy session so we can figure out what the next best thing for your situation may be.

Janet