Yes, a divorce is difficult on each member of a family unit and each of you will experience loss (even if that is only the loss of the family as it once was)!

And, your children, (just like you) CAN be okay and maybe even stronger, happier, and with life skills that they will use for the rest of their lives! 

Your children’s emotional wellbeing relies on YOU knowing what you want, learning the new skills required to be a co-parent, learning how to support your children and their emotions, and selecting the divorce process that is right for your family dynamic. 

That is a lot for one person to handle on their own!

I recommend you do NONE of these things as your first steps!

WHY?

The attorney’s job is to work for you and to help you get what you want BUT very rarely do they ask you: ‘What do you WANT?’, so you end up in a relationship where the attorney is just telling you the next things they need from you and you stay in the dark about what’s going on.  Remember, this is not intentional, it’s because they do it all day long and know the mechanics that need to be done in order for a divorce to be finalized.

A mediator’s role is to help the two sides come to an agreement.  How are you to know and even negotiate for yourself, if you aren’t aware of what needs to be negotiated and what is really best for you?

Social media and trusted friends can be there for support and make you feel like you are not alone, but taking legal advice from a friend or getting advice from one liner posts will not really provide you with the information you need in order to navigate your divorce and stay emotionally healthy during the process and after.

Shutting down and putting your ‘head in the sand’ doesn’t really support you or your family either.  Why?  Because the divorce will still be moving forward whether you want it to or not!  You’re emotional well-being depends on YOU processing through the emotions AND your kids need you to be emotionally healthy for them and their futures!

Therapists are a very good resource in many different situations, however, most therapist work with you on your past and overcoming the challenges in your past.  Yes, you may need a therapist.  However, working with a therapist about your past may impact your ability to negotiate effectively in the present, about your divorce!  Think about it – if you are spending your time working on getting over the ‘pain’ your spouse caused you and then are presented with an option that is not exactly what your were expecting, you will have a hard time considering IF it might be a good option for you when you are stuck in the ‘pain they caused you’.  In the end, what might be a good idea for you to consider, is rejected by you before even thinking about it!

Finally, doing whatever your ‘soon to be ex spouse’ wants.  Many of us would like to think and believe that even though we couldn’t figure out a way to live together, for sure our ‘soon to be ex’ will still want to do what is best for me, us, or the kids, so it’s ok to follow their direction.  There are cases of divorce where this may be true, but for many (even if that really is your ex spouse’s belief system) their emotions also get in the way and it is hard for anyone to stay steady, constant, and always thinking about everyone else during a divorce.